Chapter Tags: angst, jealousy, confessions, cheating, kissing, more angst, p in v, daddy kink, slight degradation, fluff, more angst
Chapter WC: 2740
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Jensen’s POV
“It’s not like that, Jensen,” Y/N shakes her head. “Not everything is about you. Drew is a great guy, he’s… he’s amazing, he loves me–”
“I love you!” Jensen can’t help but shout out, sick of holding it in any longer. Y/N stops, the whole room falling silent, as she opens her mouth, but nothing comes out. “Fuck, Y/N, I still love you,” he repeats, just in case she needs to hear it again. He’s done it now, he’s broken the seal, and he can’t stop everything from pouring out. Everything he should’ve said in Jared’s office at Christmas. “And it’s killing me. It’s killing me that you want him over me.”
Jensen doesn’t register that Y/N has even moved until she’s right in front of him, her arms wrapping around his neck and her mouth pressing against his.
“I want you,” she whispers against his lips, “I’ve always wanted you.”
Jensen can’t stop himself from kissing her deeper, desperate to feel her pressed against him, desperate to taste her on his tongue again. Luckily, Y/N is clearly just as eager, pushing her lips harder against his, sliding her tongue into his mouth as Jensen reciprocates. He reaches up and holds her face, tilting her head back so he can suck and nibble on her neck, making her moan softly.
“You’ve got me,” he manages to coherently breathe out as his mouth ghosts over her ear.
She pushes her face back into his, kissing him hard again, and Jensen grunts under his breath, reaching down to grab her thighs, lifting her into his arms. She wraps her legs around his waist, her arms still tight around his neck as he continues to kiss her, guiding her towards the couch. His hands settle on her ass, palming at the flesh there, making her moan into the kiss, until he throws her down onto the couch, towering over her.
Before he can climb over her and claim her lips with his once again – he could never get enough of that – he stops. His chest is heaving just as much as her own as she stares up at him, wide eyed, her hair a little wild from the way he’s thrown her down. Her skirt has pushed up to her waist thanks to Jensen lifting her, so her black lace panties are exposed. His eyes linger on them for a brief moment, but the words that come out of his mouth shock the both of them.
“We shouldn’t be doing this.”
Y/N slowly closes her legs and sits up. And while every fibre of Jensen’s being is screaming at him for what he’s just done, he knows he can’t unsay it. It’s out there now, lingering between the two of them, and she definitely heard it, too. Slowly, Y/N rises to her feet and comes to stand in front of him.
“You don’t want me?” she asks quietly, her eyes wide and glazed over.
“I do. More than anything,” Jensen rushes to reassure her. “But… I care about you too much to do something you might regret.”
Y/N laughs sadly, her bottom lip trembling as she bites it and nods, stepping back. She silently moves around him, and he listens to each footstep on the stairs as she gets further and further away from him. He doesn’t let out the breath he’d been holding until he hears her bedroom door close behind her, snapping him out of his reverie. He reaches down to retrieve the remaining dregs of his scotch and drinks straight from the bottle.
“Fuck,” he grunts, throwing the now empty bottle against the closest wall, listening to it smash into a thousand pieces as he once again grunts “fuck” even louder.
He’s angry. Angry at himself for stopping it, for being the voice of reason when he’s been dying for that for so long. But he’s more angry at the entire situation, that he had to stop it. That he had to be a good person. It’s not fair.
He takes a deep breath and turns around, deciding he might feel better in the morning. After a full night’s sleep, when he’s not half cut on scotch and the adrenaline and arousal has drained from his system, he’ll thank himself for what he just did. And Y/N will thank him too; and that’s the most important thing. But as soon as he closes his bedroom door behind him, he only feels more angry. Why did he stop it? He could’ve still been kissing her right now, his hand between her legs, about to connect with her in a way he’s craved for over eight years. In a way he’s never connected with anyone else.
He strips his shirt, throwing it in the general vicinity of his wash basket, and then pushes his pants down his legs, kicking them away in frustration. He’s left in his boxers, pacing the empty floor of his bedroom, his fingers mindlessly pushing through his hair, his heart and mind racing a hundred miles an hour. He stops, staring at his bedroom door, so much of him wanting to storm across the hallway and into her room, tell her that he was wrong that they can do this; because it’s the only thing that’s ever truly felt right to him. But he turns away before he can do it, instead storming as far away from his door as he can get. He tells himself to not even look at the door, don’t even entertain the idea. He’s doing this for her, he’s doing this because it’s the right thing for her.
A knock on his door has him turning on his heels instantly, staring at it wide eyed. The thought flashes through his brain in barely a second; he can’t answer it. But it’s redundant, because the door opens anyway, and Y/N stands there, her make up starting to make a mess down her face, her clothes dishevelled but still on. She steps over the threshold and slowly closes the door behind her, trapping them in the room together, not taking her eyes off of him.
“What are you doing?” Jensen asks, fear in his voice, afraid that he’s not going to be able to control himself.
Y/N doesn’t reply, she just steps closer; closer and closer until she’s right there in front of him. Jensen takes a deep breath, swallowing hard, watching her carefully as she looks up at him, tears still glazing over her eyes. She opens her mouth, her lips trembling slightly, and then she licks them.
“I don’t care if I’ll regret it, Jensen,” she admits, her voice trembling. “I need you.”
Need. Not want… need.
Jensen grabs her face, kissing her harder than he did downstairs, and Y/N whimpers against his lips, falling against him, her fingertips tracing over his skin. He can worry about the rest later, right now Y/N needs him, and he needs her – and that’s all that should matter, anyway. He can sense her undoing the buttons on her blouse, shrugging it down her arms and to the floor. She’s eager to rid herself of her skirt next, stepping out of it clumsily, careful to not break their kiss. Jensen feels her hands press against his chest, pushing him backwards until he’s falling back onto the bed, looking up at her standing over him, only in her underwear.
“Fuck, baby girl,” he gasps, biting his swollen bottom lip as she reaches behind her and unclasps her bra, throwing it down and moving onto her panties.
She steps out of those next as Jensen rushes to push his boxers down his legs so he’s also naked, his cock fully hard between his legs, jutting out in front of him. She bites her bottom lip as she climbs onto his lap, kissing him passionately again, running her fingernails through the back of his hair. She keeps her hips raised, creating space between her body and his, and Jensen smooths his hands up the outsides of her thighs, over the swell of her hips, grabbing at her waist.
“I’ve missed you so fuckin’ much,” he tells her sincerely, and he’s not just talking about the feeling of her soft skin against his palms, or the way she kisses him, or how hard she makes his cock. He’s talking about the way she makes his heart skip beats, the way she scrambles his brain because he’s too consumed by her; he misses the feeling of being this close to her – physically but also emotionally.
“I’ve missed you too,” she confesses quietly, pressing her forehead against his as she slowly lowers herself down, rubbing her wet pussy along his length.
He’s not inside her yet, but honestly? Jensen’s not sure he even minds if he doesn’t end up inside her at all. He grabs her hips and helps her movement, grunting softly against her lips.
“Fuck, baby girl,” he whimpers, his fingers digging into her flesh harder. “Daddy’s missed that pussy.”
“Fuck,” Y/N instantly reacts, gasping for air.
When she pulls back to look at him there’s a new hunger in her eyes he hadn’t been expecting, and she slides off of his lap and to her knees between his legs. Her hand wraps around the base of his cock as she guides the tip towards her lips, opening her mouth slowly, sticking out her tongue to swirl it around the soft spongy tip. Jensen throbs in her grasp, his mouth falling open in a silent moan. It’s like he’s said some kind of magic word, like he’s unlocked that side of her she’s kept hidden all this time.
“There she is,” he coos, reaching down to hold the side of her face. She leans her head into his touch, smiling softly.
“Missed you, Daddy,” she whimpers, before softly suckling on the tip of his cock.
“Jesus,” Jensen groans, biting down hard on his bottom lip. She takes him a little deeper, her eyes staying fixed on his face until she’s gagging on his length. But she doesn’t let up, even when Jensen tugs on her hair. “You’re taking it all, hm?” he asks, impressed.
She nods, eagerly sucking his cock, bobbing her head up and down, like she’s trying to suck the life out of him. If Jensen hadn’t already been so desperate for her, he would be now. He’s throbbing between her lips, bucking his hips up hard and fast, and she’s taking it all, eager to please him. When she eventually pulls back, her lips and chin are glistening with spit, her eyes now watery for an entirely different reason, and his cock is dripping.
“I’ve missed being a slut,” she confesses, a tiny smirk playing on her lips as she reaches up to dry them with her fingertips.
Jensen reaches up himself, rubbing her chin dry, but she leans down, taking his thumb between her lips instead.
“You really have, huh?” he asks, slightly amused. He wants to ask if she’s this slutty for Drew, but he knows better than to rock that boat right now, plus he can pretty much guarantee the answer is no. “Why don’t you show Daddy how much?” he prompts, leaning back on his elbows. Y/N bites her bottom lip as she climbs to her feet, straddling his waist once more. Jensen watches her, loving the view he’s gotten himself; seeing her pussy hovering over his cock, her whole body on full display for him. He watches her rub her fingers between her legs. “Wet enough for Daddy’s cock, baby girl?” he checks.
She giggles softly as she reaches for one of his hands, guiding it towards her pussy. She rubs his fingers through her slick, looking down at him through her lashes. “You tell me.”
“Feels pretty needy to me,” he comments, unable to resist curling his fingers inside her slightly. She moans, wriggling herself down onto his digits, sending them deeper. Jensen pulls away teasingly, instead gripping the base of his cock, rubbing the very tip of it through her slick. “Definitely ready for Daddy’s cock.”
Her mouth falls slack, her hands laying flat on his chest as he lines himself up and then grabs her waist, slowly pushing her down onto his shaft. How Jensen had forgotten he doesn’t know, but it feels so much better than he’d ever remembered; tighter, warmer, just perfect. She doesn’t bounce to begin with, just sits there with his cock buried to the hilt inside her, throbbing every time her walls clench around him. He’s patient – far more patient than he thought he ever could be – and waits for her to eventually start rotating her hips slowly, testing the waters carefully.
“I forgot how big you are, really stretches me open,” she gasps, slowly lifting her hips only to drop them again.
“You’re fucking tight,” he counters, dragging his blunt nails down her thighs.
“Fuck,” she lets out breathily, leaning down to kiss him. “I’ve missed you so much, Daddy.”
Jensen rolls them over, sending her onto her back, bringing her legs to wrap around his waist. He holds them there, fucking into her a little faster than she’d tried fucking him, which makes her scream out, starting to claw at her own chest, her back arching off of the bed.
Jensen lets go of one of her legs to grope her chest, rolling her nipple through his thumb and forefinger, making it harden. He watches in awe as she starts moaning, breathlessly calling his name, her eyes rolling as she tightens around his cock, and he takes in every second of the orgasm he’s managed to coax out of her, her chest heaving, her skin heating up.
“Good girl,” he praises, leaning back down over her, kissing her sweetly.
Y/N giggles as Jensen lazily kisses her nose, holding her tight against him.
“Fuck I’ve missed this,” he sighs, unable to help himself kissing her cheek.
“Hm,” Y/N hums, snuggling into him tighter, resting her head against his chest. “That was pretty good,” she agrees.
“Not just that,” he argues softly, tracing his fingers up and down her bare back. “All of it.” She stays quiet, so Jensen continues. “Being that close to you, holding you. I miss so much more than the sex.”
“Hm,” she hums again, and when Jensen bends his head so he can see her face, he notices her eyes are closed, and he smiles to himself noticing the way her breathing has deepened, the way it always used to once she’d fallen asleep.
“I love you, baby girl,” he whispers, kissing her hair before closing his eyes himself.
Jensen disturbs suddenly, peering around his room and seeing a little light seeping through the curtains. His head is pounding and his mouth is dry as he sits up and sees that it’s a little after seven, which is far too early to be awake on a day that he’s not got anywhere to be or anyone to see.
As he lays back down, he groans, his eyes automatically closing again, but then he thinks about Y/N, and then falling asleep with her head on his chest, after…
Jensen sits upright, turning his head to see that his bed is empty. He considers for a split second that it was another one of those dreams, but he’s naked, and he remembers it all so vividly. No blurry lines, no weird skips in time, nothing that doesn’t add up. He remembers the dancing and the kissing and the walking away, and the knock at his door. He remembers everything.
He gets up, scrambling to find the boxers he’d discarded at the foot of his bed, and pulls them on hurriedly as he leaves his room to track down Y/N. More than anything, he just wants to make sure she’s okay. But her bedroom door is open and there’s no one inside. The case that she’d kept under the bed is gone, as are a lot of her things from around the room. His heart is thudding in his chest as he stands alone in her bedroom, wondering if this time she’s left for good.
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