Chapter Tags: angst, minor cheating, kissing, lying, mentions of Teacher/student sex
Chapter WC: 1.7K
A/Ns: Let’s do this!!
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Your POV
“We’re going around in circles,” Jensen huffs, holding his head.
You’re too angry to even look at him right now, so you turn around. You’re not sure if you’re more angry at him or yourself, but either way the confusion begins to build inside you as you think over everything Jensen has just said. If he hadn’t been sending you away, then why did he apply for you to go to Williams? It’s one of the best liberal arts colleges in the country, and you remember telling him you wanted to be a writer one day, so is that really the only reason? You’d always assumed he was getting rid of you, but now he’s telling you that was wrong, that he wanted to build a life with you – make it work long distance.
“So you wanted me?” you finally ask, choking on tears as you turn back around to look at him. You just need to be sure you’re understanding him right.
“I still do,” Jensen admits, his Adam’s apple bobbing noticeably as he swallows.
You can’t believe what you’re hearing, wanting to deny he’s telling the truth. You reach up, clutching your forehead as a tension headache starts to build.
“Jensen, you’re a little too late for that. I’m getting married…” you trail off, the reality of your situation really sinking in for the first time since Drew asked you. “Fuck, I’m getting married.”
“I know,” Jensen chokes out. “And that fucking kills me, because I love you, and I have for eight years. But I meant what I said when you graduated. I want you to be happy, and if that’s with Drew, then… I’ll be happy for you.”
The words swim around your brain, but you try to remain focused, telling yourself that you can’t fall back into this trap with Jensen.
“I am happy with him,” you nod, clenching your jaw, reminding yourself of the fact.
“Alright,” Jensen agrees.
You hate how much it hurts you to hear him accept it so easily, and you realise how much of you was hoping he’d fight it more; tell you he doesn’t care you’re getting married, that he could make you happy. But that’s all over now, it has to be because you’re engaged to a great guy who loves you and cares for you, and your father loves him – hell, everyone loves him – and you’d let so many people down if you just went running back to Jensen the first time you’ve seen him in nearly eight years.
You don’t realise you’re crying until Jensen steps forward and brushes a tear away with his thumb, before saying: “Don’t cry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.” He sighs, tracing his finger along your jawline, sending sparks through your body. “I’ll go, I don’t want to upset you even more.”
Instinct more than conscious decision finds Jensen’s shirt balled in your fist, stopping him in his tracks, and then your lips are pressed to his, knocking the air out of your lungs as you kiss him. You never thought you’d feel this again, and you’d forgotten how he sets your whole skin alight like no one else can. Jensen pulls you closer, which only makes your body relax more against him, his tongue dancing alongside yours like you’d never stopped kissing this way.
You reach up to hold the side of his neck, needing more – needing everything – and just as you’re about to drop your hand to his shirt to start unbuttoning it, Drew’s voice cuts through your fantasy and stops you in your tracks. Only, you didn’t imagine it, he’s actually calling for you. Fuck, what are you doing?! You tear yourself away from Jensen and flee the room without looking back, afraid you might not be able to leave if you look at him again.
Shutting the office door behind you, you reach up and rub at the skin around your lips, inspecting your fingers for any stray lipstick. You don’t see any, luckily, and Drew rounds the corner into view as you drop your hand and force a smile.
“There you are, where did you disappear to?”
“Oh I was just taking a look at old photos in Dad’s office, is everything okay?” you check, your voice a little shakier than you’d like.
Drew doesn’t seem to notice though as he kisses your forehead and wraps his arm around you. “I was just wondering if you wanted to go up to bed.”
“Yeah, a good night’s sleep sounds good, it’s been quite the day,” you laugh humorlessly, subtly removing yourself from under his arm.
“Yeah, you can say that again, fiancée,” he smirks, nudging you softly.
You force another laugh, nodding your head. “I’m gonna get a nightcap, I’ll meet you up there.”
“Okay, I’ll warm the bed for you,” he winks.
You watch Drew climb the stairs, your smile fading, and head towards the kitchen, finding your father’s good whiskey in one of the cupboards. You don’t even bother with a glass, uncorking it and taking a few swigs before wiping your mouth on the back of your hand and taking a few deep breaths.
Back in your bedroom, Drew leans back against the headboard, shirtless as he watches you get ready for bed, folding your clothes to put them back in the case.
“I think we should go tomorrow,” you tell him, “we can get an earlier flight.”
“Why? I was gonna play golf with your Dad tomorrow,” he tells you.
“Golf? In winter?” you ask, feigning interest.
“Yeah, it’s mild enough this year, and it’ll be months before a course is open back home. I think he was gonna invite Jensen so we could get to know each other a little better too,” Drew explains.
Just the idea of Drew getting to know Jensen makes you feel sick. You’ve never told anyone about your relationship with Jensen, not even Drew. In fact, Drew doesn’t know about any of the previous notches on your bedpost. Despite it being two years into your degree, you’d still been feeling bruised when you met Drew. There had been several rebounds between him and Jensen, of course, but when Drew became your new lecturer, and he kept you behind one time to commend you on your latest paper, the reminder of Jensen praising you – rewarding you – for your good grades was too painful. You set your heart on seducing your new lecturer that day, and your old ways of playing innocent worked on him.
It didn’t take you long to realise that Drew wasn’t a one time kind of guy, and you couldn’t deny you liked the attention, especially when it took your mind off of Jensen. So you went along with it until you were suddenly a couple going steady, and you couldn’t exactly tell him that you actually weren’t a virgin, that he isn’t your ‘one and only’. The longer it goes on, the more the lie grows. You’re too far in to come clean now. You’ve made your Dad promise to keep your past to himself, telling him you want to start a clean slate, leave that behind you – and you do. That includes Jensen.
“We barely see him, you don’t need to get to know him,” you insist, focusing on the shirt in your hands as you fold it as meticulously as you can.
“Well, that’s gonna change if he’s your new boss.”
“I’m not taking that job,” you tell him adamantly, putting the shirt away now it’s as compacted as possible.
“What? Baby, why not?” Drew scoffs.
“Because, Drew, it’s the other side of the country, and we’re getting married now, I have a wedding to plan and we have a home and a life,” you stress, getting worked up just thinking about it all.
“Baby, relax,” Drew laughs softly, crawling out of the covers to kneel in front of you. He holds your face in his hands. “We can plan a wedding when you get back, it won’t be forever, just until you find something in New York.”
“No, Drew,” you argue, shaking your head, pulling yourself out of his hold.
“C’mon, you’ve been looking for work since you graduated, jobs like that rarely come up mid year, we can make it work long distance until summer,” he insists. “It at least gets you the experience you need.”
You know he’s not going to let it go, and you’re too tired to continue arguing about it tonight, so you huff. “If I say I’ll think about it, will you drop it?”
“Yeah,” he agrees, lifting your face to his. “Now get into bed,” he smirks.
When you don’t comply straight away, he leans down and kisses you, to let you know why you should get into bed, but all you can think about is the kiss you’d just shared with Jensen in your father’s study, and you pull back abruptly.
“What’s wrong?” he checks.
“Nothing,” you answer immediately, afraid it’s obvious on your face, or that he’s suddenly gained the ability to read minds and he can tell what you’re thinking about. “It’s just… this is my childhood bedroom, and my Dad is only down the hall, it’s a little weird,” you lie.
Drew laughs softly, kissing the tip of your nose. “I love how reserved you are sometimes,” he coos almost condescendingly. “You know, most teenagers would’ve had a lot of sex in their bedroom with their parents home,” he tells you, climbing back under the covers. “But not you.”
“Yeah, not me,” you force a smile, pulling your side of the covers back and climbing under.
“You’re so sweet, and you’re all mine,” he sighs happily, pulling you to lay on his chest.
You rest your head there for a moment, staring out ahead of you, and then lift yourself up to kiss him softly.
“Night, Drew, Merry Christmas.”
You turn onto your side, your back facing him, and stare towards the photos of you and your family on your dresser. The photo of you and Jensen at your graduation sits there in its frame after your Dad had insisted you add it to your collection, and you bite back tears as you will yourself to fall asleep, and resist the urge to return to the man you left in your father’s study.
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