Chapter Tags: major angst, fluff, more angst, minor cheating
Chapter WC: 2669
A/Ns: To be continued (so please don’t kill me…)
SEVEN YEARS, SIX MONTHS LATER
Jensen’s POV
Jensen takes a deep breath as he sits in the driver’s seat of his car. He’d cut the engine ten minutes ago when he’d arrived, but he’s still sitting there anxiously, twisting the leather coating on his steering wheel and bouncing his leg nervously. He should never have let Jared talk him into this, but Jared can be persuasive, and he seemed insistent this year more than most that Jensen spend Christmas with the rest of the family. Since May and Frank had found out about his divorce from Clarissa, Jensen had been able to avoid all the family occasions without causing too much suspicion. People always assume that he’s just taken himself out of the family. He and Clarissa are divorced now, and while Jared might still be his best friend, it would be weird for an ex to be at family events. It’s different with Jared because of Y/N, and now he and Clarissa are officially together, too. Truthfully, Clarissa has never been the reason for Jensen staying away. Y/N has. Jensen and Clarissa ended on good terms, and he was happy enough to pretend to still be married to her for years before the divorce was finalised and became public knowledge; that part he’s always been able to deal with.
But Jensen’s not seen Y/N since her high school graduation, which was over seven years ago now, and he’s not sure he wants to. He’d made an effort to stay out of her life, and for the most part he’s been getting away with blaming work or the divorce for his absence, but that only works for so long on Jared. Jared knows that he and Clarissa are still friendly, and he knows that Jensen does get time off and he’s not got any other commitments keeping him away. Luckily, with Y/N in Massachusetts for the last seven years, she’s barely been around either, usually only making the trip home for Christmas and summer vacation. Jensen had used May and Frank as the excuse every year, and usually that works, but Jared had been extra stubborn this year, insisting it was a Christmas Jensen didn’t want to miss. Jensen is fairly sure he’ll disagree with that by the end of the night.
His eyes land on the BMW parked on the drive in front of him, and he lets the anger sit in the base of his stomach for a moment. A lot has changed in seven years, and it’s all change Jensen’s been trying to avoid for quite some time now. Still, maybe he can pass off his pensive attitude as jealousy towards Jared and Clarissa and their recent engagement. At least Jensen can rest knowing that Jared hasn’t invited him to witness that. While he’s happily divorced, witnessing his best friend asking his ex-wife to marry him isn’t exactly high on Jensen’s list of things he wants to experience.
He sighs and reaches for the bottle of wine in the passenger seat, resisting the urge to open it and down the whole thing before he knocks on the door, then slides out of the car, heading towards the house.
“There you are,” Jared beams, opening the door seconds after Jensen knocks. “Thought you’d never leave that car.”
Jensen feels himself blush that he’s been caught out. “Yeah, I was on a call.”
Jared takes the bottle of wine and smirks, like he knows Jensen’s lying – which he most definitely does – and leads him through the house.
“You’re just in time for gift giving.”
Jensen feels himself get more and more anxious as Jared leads him into the living room, like Jensen doesn’t know the place like the back of his hand, but he does prefer this to entering the room by himself and having all eyes on him.
“Look who made it,” Jared announces, and everyone looks directly at Jensen.
He makes a point of not even looking in Y/N’s direction – or anyone’s for that matter – and clears his throat.
“Hey, been a while,” he replies nervously. Clarissa is first to greet him with a hug, and then May and Frank are on their feet to ask him how he’s been. Jensen is only half relieved that Y/N doesn’t make the effort to greet him in the same familiar fashion as everyone else.
“Hey, we haven’t met yet, I’m Drew.”
Jensen forces himself to look the guy in the eye. He’s heard a lot about Drew, but he’s never met the guy. He seems nice enough, probably around ten years younger than him, dark brown eyes and messy dirty blonde hair. Jensen realises Drew is holding out his hand, and he shakes it.
“Nice to finally meet you,” Jensen replies, trying his best to sound happy about the fact. “Heard a lot about you.”
“Same, dude.”
“I need a drink, Jar,” Jensen insists, turning to his best friend.
“Dude, you should give him some of that whiskey I got you,” Drew tells Jared.
“Oh, Jen, you’ll love it,” Jared agrees. “Drew outdid himself, it’s fucking incredible.” Clarissa makes a disapproving noise and Jared clears his throat. “Freaking incredible,” he corrects, blushing slightly as he glances over at May and Frank.
Jensen forces a smile, not liking the way Drew and Jared chuckle together like two teenage girls. Jared had told Jensen he was close to Drew, but Jensen hadn’t been expecting this. Jensen’s always been Jared’s best friend, ever since they met, and while Jensen’s distanced himself a lot in the last several years, he’d thought that that wouldn’t make a difference to their relationship, but clearly it has.
“C’mon, I’ll show you the bottle,” Jared encourages, leading Jensen to his study.
Drew follows too, Jensen notices, and once they’re inside, Jensen’s eyes fall on Jared’s desk. It’s still the same one from eight years ago, the one that he and Y/N–
“This is the one,” Jared speaks up, thrusting the bottle into Jensen’s hands and snapping Jensen out of his thoughts.
“Looks good,” Jensen replies half-heartedly, but Jared doesn’t notice, grabbing three glasses and pouring a healthy amount of the brown liquid into them.
“So urm, can I let him in on the secret?” Jared asks, glancing at Drew.
“I guess, I mean it won’t be a secret very soon,” Drew smirks, taking his drink.
Jensen takes his, noticing the look the two men are sharing and only feeling more jealous.
“You tell him, it’s your news,” Jared encourages.
“Okay, so urm…” Drew clears his throat, looking down at his glass. Jensen takes a sip of the whiskey and notes how smooth it is, realising it’s much better than any of the crap he normally drinks. “I’m gonna be asking Y/N to marry me today.”
The fancy whiskey is out of Jensen’s mouth again in seconds.
“Yeah, that was my reaction when he asked my permission last month,” Jared laughs heartily. “But Drew is family, and I couldn’t ask for better for my little girl, so of course, I said yes.” Jared claps a hand on Drew’s shoulder and shakes him slightly. “And she will too, dude, stop being so nervous about it.”
“I hope so,” Drew breathes out heavily.
“Congrats, man,” Jensen splutters out, still choking on whiskey.
He forces a smile even though he just wants to be sick, and in seconds he feels everything he’s ever felt for Y/N come flooding back, everything he’d tried so hard to shut out for seven years. Over time he’d convinced himself that his feelings had faded and eventually died, but now he realises he just got very good at ignoring them. Fuck, Y/N is about to marry another man. But what can he do? He has to tell her, right? Right.
“C’mon, it’s showtime,” Jared encourages. Drew nods, downing his drink, and Jared turns to Jensen.
“Yeah, give me a couple minutes, I’ll be in in a sec. Good luck.”
Jensen watches them leave, his fake smile falling off of his face as soon as they’re gone. Well now what? He can’t exactly barge into that room and tell her how he feels in the two minutes before Drew asks her, can he? Anyway, what’s he supposed to say? Y/N is happy now according to Jared, and if seven years apart has proven anything to Jensen it’s that she never wanted more from him. She never came back to him or even peered around that door. She shut and locked it, and who is he to try and break it down now? It would be selfish of him. He sighs heavily, pouring another whiskey, hoping if he takes his sweet time he’ll miss the whole proposal.
Jensen misses the entire thing, luckily. He reemerges just in time for Jared to finally have stopped crying, and Clarissa to open a scarf from her parents. Jensen can only assume from the new sparkling diamond on Y/N’s left hand that she said yes. They avoid even looking at each other for the rest of the gift exchange, and Jensen opts to sit away from Y/N and her new fiancé at the dinner table.
“It’s such a shame you spent all that time getting your qualifications and you don’t even have a job yet,” May fusses.
“It’s not an issue, May, I earn enough to support the both of us until Y/N finds something.”
Jensen rolls his eyes to himself, reaching for his wine. Of course Drew earns enough.
“Yeah, but still, I do want a job, Drew,” Y/N laughs awkwardly. “I didn’t do seven years in college to become an English teacher just to be a stay at home wife.”
“There’s nothing wrong with stay at home wives… and mothers,” May smirks.
“Well, people nowadays want experience, and I don’t have that yet. It’s a catch twenty two,” Y/N tells her grandmother, clearly keeping the focus away from children.
“I must say, it is a little unconventional how you two met. I mean, your college professor, Y/N,” May tuts, shaking her head.
“It wasn’t anything illegal, Gran,” Y/N insists. “And it all worked out, so that doesn’t matter.”
“Exactly,” Clarissa pipes up, sticking up for Y/N.
“We did things the right way,” Drew adds.
Jensen rolls his eyes again, of course they did.
“Hey, I just thought,” Jared speaks up. “Why don’t you get a job at Jensen’s school? He told me last month he’s looking for an English teacher. I mean, I know it’s not in Massachusetts, but it’s something, even just for a year, just to give you experience.”
Jensen opens his mouth to protest, but Y/N beats him to it.
“Oh, no, Dad, I mean, we’ve got a wedding to plan now…”
“We can wait another year, baby, if it’ll get you the experience you need.” Of course he’s supportive.
“Drew, it’s like a four hour flight away,” Y/N laughs awkwardly.
“So? We can make it work for a year.”
Y/N’s eyes fall on Jensen, wide and pleading, and Jensen realises it’s the first time she’s looked at him all day. Fuck he misses her so much, he loves her even more, he can’t even deny it.
“I mean, yeah, if you want it, it’s yours. You’ll always have a place at the school,” Jensen finds himself saying. He knows he shouldn’t be encouraging it, but he can’t help himself.
“There, then it’s settled, you’ve got a job and a fiancé all in one day, how lucky are you?” Drew chuckles, kissing her cheek.
Y/N forces a smile that Jensen can see through. “Yeah, so lucky.”
“Why would you do that?” Y/N hisses from behind Jensen, forcing him to turn around from staring at Jared’s desk.
“What?”
“Give me a fuckin’ job at your school! You’ve avoided me for seven years and now you want me to freaking work with you every day?!”
“I didn’t just avoid you, you avoided me too,” Jensen reminds her.
Y/N huffs, turning around and closing the door shut so they’re in private.
“You have to take it back, tell them the position got filled,” she insists.
“I can’t do that, Y/N, c’mon, just let me help you out, you need a job and I need an English teacher. Maybe this is fate somehow.”
“Fate?” Y/N seethes. “Fuck, Jensen, this… no… I have a life in Massachusetts now.”
“With Drew?”
“Right, with Drew,” she nods. “Oh, don’t look so bitter about it!”
“Why would I be bitter?” Jensen asks, scoffing.
“I don’t know Jensen, you tell me. You’re the one that shipped me off to that college in the first place, trying to get rid of me.”
“I was never getting rid of you, I was trying to give you the best possible chance at a good life.”
“I would’ve had a good life with you,” she argues.
“Oh, c’mon, if you’d have stayed we’d have just carried on fucking and you’d have wanted nothing else for yourself, you didn’t want that, and I didn’t want it for you either.”
“I did want that, Jensen! God, all I wanted was you!” Jensen frowns at her confession, letting it sink it. “It was never just sex for me, not in the end, it was more and I wanted to stay with you.”
“No,” Jensen insists, shaking his head. “You’re the one that only wanted sex, I wanted more, I tried to give you more. Every time I tried to make it something else you just turned it sexual, that was on you!”
“I was a kid, Jensen, I thought that’s what you wanted… what every guy wanted. You handed me that college letter and you told me to go,” she reminds him.
“I wanted you to leave the state, not me.”
Y/N swallows hard, standing back for a moment and frowning. “No, you… you sent me away after you used me, just like every other guy, even after you promised me you weren’t like them.”
“I’m not and I didn’t. I wanted us to still be together, Y/N, we could’ve made it work just like you and Drew are apparently gonna do. You’re the one that said on graduation day that you were leaving, going to fuck other guys. What else am I supposed to do with that?”
“Because I thought you were breaking up with me!”
“We’re going around in circles,” Jensen huffs, holding his head.
Y/N turns her back on him, her hands placed firmly on her hips as her shoulders rise and fall rapidly.
“So you wanted me?” she finally asks, turning back around with tears in her eyes.
“I still do,” Jensen finds himself confessing, swallowing hard.
Y/N scoffs, reaching up to press her hand against her forehead, her engagement ring sparkling in the light. “Jensen, you’re a little too late for that. I’m getting married… fuck, I’m getting married.”
“I know,” Jensen chokes out. “And that fucking kills me, because I love you, and I have for eight years. But I meant what I said when you graduated. I want you to be happy, and if that’s with Drew, then… I’ll be happy for you.”
“I am happy with him,” Y/N nods excessively, clenching her jaw.
“Alright,” Jensen agrees.
Y/N locks eyes with him, frowning as tears start to trickle down her cheeks, and Jensen steps forward, reaching up to wipe them away softly.
“Don’t cry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything,” he sighs, tracing his finger along her jawline. “I’ll go, I don’t want to upset you even more.”
But before Jensen can leave, Y/N reaches out and grips the front of his shirt, stopping him in his tracks. Before Jensen can ask what’s wrong, he feels Y/N’s lips on his, and his eyes flutter closed. He wants to rejoice, smile into the kiss and relax against her touch, but he can’t, because he can’t help but feel like this kiss means goodbye somehow. He cherishes it anyway, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss, taking what he can get while he can. He’d never realised how much he’d missed the taste of her lips, the feel of them against his own; never realised how much his body had craved her touch until now.
This is bad – so bad, because this doesn’t end well, he knows it doesn’t. Especially when Y/N reaches up to hold the side of his neck and he feels the cool smooth band of her engagement ring press against his skin in a stark contrast to the way he’s flushed. She’s not his anymore – maybe she never was. And when her fiancé’s voice calls out her name further down the hall and Y/N rips herself out of Jensen’s hold, he’s painfully reminded of that fact, left to do nothing but stare at her back as she flees the office. Jensen reaches up to rub his fingers over his mouth, almost mindlessly trying to remove the traces of her lipstick, his lips still tingling. He finally peels his eyes off of the door she just left from and turns around, his eyes falling on the desk, and all he can think about is the first time, and how he might never get that back again.
Leave a Reply to jessicaCancel reply