Chapter Tags: mentions of casual sex, major angst
Chapter WC: 1920
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Your POV
Stepping out of the bathroom you purse your lips, holding your arms out.
âOkay, be honest with me, do I look stupid?â you check, looking down your body at yourself.
Holly chuckles slightly, shaking her head. âI think it suits you,â she shrugs.
âTalking of suiting people, that dress youâre wearing is hot,â you smirk, noticing how much shorter it is than the skirts and dresses she was wearing at the start of the school year.
Holly tugs on the hem a little and clears her throat. âIs it a little too slutty for a Valedictorian?â
âAbsolutely not,â you scoff, smirking slightly. Holly chuckles, reaching down to grab her robe and shrug it on. âHow did you still manage to get the highest grades in the year and slut it up so much the last few months?â
âI wasnât that much of a slut,â Holly laughs, feigning insult. âAnyway, I learned the slutty stuff from the best.â
âYouâre welcome, by the way,â you tease. Holly giggles and you clear your throat. âBut urm⌠seriously Holls, thank you. I donât think I couldâve graduated without your help.â
âOf course you could have, but you wouldnât have, because you donât believe in yourself enough.â You watch Holly playing with her hat in her hands for a moment. âI guess you needed to buckle down and I needed to loosen up. We helped each other.â
âI guess we did,â you agree. âAnd now youâre giving me a run for my money. M.I.T isnât gonna know whatâs hit them.â
âOh câmon, I wasnât that bad,â Holly scoffs, her cheeks turning red.
âYou slept with more guys than me this year,â you laugh.
âOh, no I didnât,â she protests.
âYeah, you definitely did. I got myself a fuck buddy, you got yourself a football team by the sounds of it.â
Hollyâs mouth falls open and she laughs in disbelief. âWait, when did you get a fuck buddy? Who?â
âOh urm⌠just some guy⌠no one important,â you shrug, turning around to zip up your luggage.
âImportant enough to keep you going back. Thought one of the rules was to use them so they canât use us?â Holly teases.
âWell, it was just convenient. I guess we used each other, no big deal,â you brush it off, unable to stop yourself thinking about that stupid college acceptance letter youâve read a hundred times. Things had been strained with Jensen all week since heâd given it to you.
âDoesnât seem like it isnât a big deal. Do you like him?â she pries.
âIt wasnât like that for him,â you insist, getting frustrated that your luggage wonât zip completely closed.
âBut it was for you, right?â
You huff, turning around to glower at her. âHolls, leave it. It doesnât matter anymore, he doesnât want me. Iâm not sticking around here, anyway.â
Holly purses her lips but nods her head, turning around to finish packing her own things. âWell, I guess you just need to make him jealous. You know, make him want you now he canât have you anymore.â
âYeah, I think youâre right,â you agree, biting your bottom lip.
The school is buzzing with students and their parents, all making their way to the sports field where graduation is set to start in under an hour. You move against the stream of people, heading towards the school building rather than away from it. The school itself is quiet; barely anyone is around, and your heels click on the floor beneath you as you head towards Jensenâs office. The noise disappears when you step onto the carpet in the reception area outside Jensenâs room, and you see the door has been left ajar. You glance through the gap, seeing Jensenâs back, and then realise that heâs not alone â directly in front of him stands Michaela, and as Jensen steps back, it becomes obvious that theyâd been kissing.
A heavy knot twists in your stomach, a sickness and jealousy youâd never thought youâd feel washes over you, but it only cements your decision in your mind. Youâre doing the right thing â Jensen will never want you in that way, itâs always just been some fun to him. And thatâs fine, you convince yourself. Michaela notices you and clears her throat, pushing past Jensen and leaving the room quickly, and Jensen looks back over his shoulder, reaching up to rub the pink remnants of Michaelaâs lipstick from his mouth as he clears his throat.
âY/N, listen,â Jensen starts to panic, and you step inside his office, closing his door behind you so youâre both alone. âShe kissed me, Iâm sorry, Iââ
âYou donât need an excuse, Jensen, youâre a single man, you can do what you want.â Jensen frowns slightly, like heâs confused by your words. Maybe he expected you to be far more upset than youâre letting on. He should know by now you can be a great actress. âI actually came to talk to you about something,â you tell him, before he can reply. Jensen stays quiet, so you lick your lips and blurt it out. âIâm gonna go.â
âWhere?â he asks, frowning deeper.
âTo Massachusetts,â you remind him, âcollege.â
Jensenâs mouth opens, his eyes widening and then he takes a deep breath and forces a laugh. âWell, thatâs great news.â
The fact that Jensen thinks that you moving to the East Coast for four years is great news further confirms his feelings, and while itâs yet another punch in the gut, it only reaffirms over and over again that youâre making the right call.
âYeah, so I guess you and Michaela can fuck over your desk whenever you want now. I know how much you love that.â
âY/N, sweetheart,â Jensen sighs, shaking his head. âItâs not like that between us, it never will be. Itâs not like that with anyone elââ
âItâs fine, Jensen,â you shrug, feeling anything but fine. âWe had fun, right? But Iâm graduating, and moving away, and⌠thatâs that. Hey, maybe Iâll find some cute college professor who can reward me for my good grades the way you did.â The joke is a low blow, you know that, but itâs the only thing stopping you from wanting to cry.
Jensen swallows hard, his face twisting back into that same frown it was moments before. âOkay, well if thatâs what you want,â he nods.
âItâs the right thing to do,â you nod, convincing yourself too.
âYeah, it is,â he agrees. âSo what do you think youâll do when you get there?â
âBesides try and fuck all the hot professors?â you smirk, but Jensen clearly doesnât find it funny. âI guess Iâll figure that out when I get there.â Jensen just nods, looking down at his feet. âBut I did wanna say thanks,â you confess, feeling your cheeks heat up. âBecause youâre one of the only reasons Iâm graduating.â
âYou donât have to thank me, sweetheart, youâve done a lot for me too, in ways youâll never know.â
âI am pretty good at blowjobs,â you nod. Jensen rolls his eyes, a small smirk on his lips. âSo urm, I should probably go and join the others, I think Dadâs been sitting there waiting for like an hour now,â you laugh softly.
âYeah, I should probably show my face too, considering Iâm the principal,â he agrees.
You turn to leave, feeling Jensenâs hand wrap around your wrist softly, stopping you from going anywhere. He pulls you into him, pressing his lips to yours, reaching up to cup the side of your face, and you kiss back, not sure youâll ever feel his lips on yours again. You swear thereâs more passion and urgency than ever before, but youâre also aware that thatâs no doubt just a lot of wishful thinking.
âIâm gonna miss you,â he breathes out when he breaks the kiss.
You take a deep, shaky breath, feeling tears press at the backs of your eyes and turn to leave his office one last time, unable to look him in the eye.
âI thought it was my job to get teary at graduation,â is the first thing your father says when he sees you approaching him and Clarissa.
You reach up quickly and try to wipe the tears away. You hadnât realised it was so obvious youâd been crying. âWell, I guess itâs just more emotional than I thought,â you lie.
He stands from his seat and pulls you into him, hugging you tightly.
âWonât lie, Iâm gonna be a mess,â he admits, making you laugh softly. âIâm just so proud of you and Iâve missed you so much, I canât wait to have you home!â
âUrm, yeah about thatâŚâ you cringe, pulling back out of his embrace. âSo urm⌠I might not be home for long.â
âWhy?â he asks immediately, turning his face to Clarissa and frowning, before looking back at you.
âWell, I kinda got into college⌠in Massachusetts.â
Your father looks speechless, his mouth hanging wide open, his eyes wide. âI didnât⌠I didnât think you wanted to go to college?â he chokes out.
You shrug, âitâs a good one.â Thereâs silence, so you add, âyouâre not upset are you?â
âUpset? No, God no, sweetheart, Iâm just shocked,â he laughs, pulling you into him again. You can feel in the way his chest jolts that heâs starting to cry, and you roll your eyes. âIâm so proud of you.â
âDad,â you whine, trying to pull away to no avail.
âIt started,â Clarissa pipes up laughing. âMe and your Dad had a bet. I said before it began, he said when your name is called. So I think I win,â she boasts.
You laugh softly, finally getting out of your fatherâs grasp. Your laughter fades as Jensen approaches, and he smiles awkwardly at you before greeting Clarissa and your father.
âLet me take a photo,â he insists, holding his hand out for Jaredâs phone. You stand alongside your father, trying to not look at Jensen for too long, noticing Clarissa stood beside him, smiling softly.
âYou too,â you tell her, extending your free arm. She almost beams as she steps up to your other side, and you smile for the camera.
Jensenâs eyes lock with yours over the cell phone, and he eventually drops it, telling you he thinks heâs got at least one good one. Your father starts looking through them, showing Clarissa, and then Jared looks up at you and Jensen with a wide grin.
âOne of you two now, câmon,â he insists.
You and Jensen glance nervously at each other, âDad, câmon, you know I hate photos,â you try to insist.
âAll of those selfies you post online beg to differ,â Jared scoffs, holding his phone up.
You huff, and Jensen reluctantly sidles up to you, wrapping his arm around your waist but holding it much higher than he normally would. You force a smile for the camera, unable to stop yourself from taking in the cologne he always wears; the one he knows you love. Your father snaps the photo and then looks back down at his phone, showing Clarissa the results, and you turn to Jensen and smile awkwardly again.
âIâve only ever wanted you to be happy, Y/N,â Jensen whispers, smiling softly. âI hope Massachusetts does that for you.â You nod, tears in your eyes again, and he kisses your forehead before stepping away, tapping Jaredâs shoulder as he passes, and you watch him go, wondering if youâll ever be happy without him.
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