Chapter Tags: angst, slight fluff, taboo relationship, mentions of abandonment issues, protected sex, guilt, shame
Chapter WC: 2471
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Jensen’s POV
“You did! When we were fucking you told me not to get attatched, you said you just wanted to get your dick wet.”
Suddenly, the confusion and frustration Jensen had been feeling about the entire situation is gone, replaced by a slight amusement. He’d been so worried he’d said or done something that made Y/N truly think that he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore, but the clarification makes him sigh softly, unable to stop himself from smiling a little.
“Y/N, I didn’t mean that… shit, I thought you knew I was just… I was dirty talking,” he explains. It had been so obvious to him that that was all it was, he didn’t even consider that it could’ve upset her. Of course he didn’t mean it, but now he’s realising that maybe that wasn’t so obvious to her, and why would it be? Every other guy she’s ever fucked probably would’ve meant it, because Y/N usually has a thing for assholes. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I never meant it. Is that why you got so upset?”
Y/N doesn’t answer, and he can see that she’s trying to work it all out. He hates that she’d even consider that he could feel that way about her. He never wants Y/N to feel like she’s unwanted because of him, she’s already had far too many people in her life make her feel that way. And Jensen wants her, more than he definitely should.
“Did you really believe that I meant that?” he asks softly, stepping closer to her, reaching up to cup the side of her face. Her skin is soft, and warm too, no doubt thanks to the anger, and maybe now the embarrassment of being wrong.
“Yeah,” he hears her whisper. “It doesn’t matter, anyway, you were right. And it can’t happen again, right?”
He can’t take his eyes off her, can’t stop feeling her skin under his thumb as he strokes it back and forth softly and lovingly. He knows he really fucking shouldn’t, but he still wants her – wants more. And yeah, he’s pretty pissed off that he had to go and drag her out of that bar where some guy older than him was trying it on with her, but that’s mainly the jealousy talking and he can’t even deny it. Not since Christmas Day. He’s been kidding himself even thinking he doesn’t want it to happen again. But it can’t happen again, no matter how badly he wishes that weren’t true.
“Yeah, right,” he agrees, clearing his throat and nodding, reminding himself she’s right. “But, so long as you know that it wasn’t like that… it was more than just some meaningless one night stand for me.” He needs her to know that, at least.
“Okay,” she replies quietly, looking down at her feet.
“‘Cause I wanna do it again,” he finds himself blurting out, unable to help himself. He’d thought for a split second telling her that he wants to do it again would make her realise how different he really is to all those other guys, that it’s not the same for him, that it meant more. But now it’s out there, he realises the real reason he confessed was really only in some kind of fucked up hope that Y/N would do what she does best and seduce him again, give him some excuse – albeit a weak one – as to why he can give in one more time.
“Okay,” she agrees, and that’s all Jensen needs anyway, because he barely had any resolve left in him.
It takes him barely a second to kiss her, tasting the cranberry juice on her tongue from the drinks she’s probably had at the bar. He kisses her deeper, gripping her face harder and pulling her closer and she reciprocates with soft murmurs against his lips, smoothing her hands up his chest.
“Are you sure?” she asks when she breaks the kiss, breathing heavily against his mouth. Jensen frowns, tangling her hair in his fingers to hold it out of her face. “Are you sure you want me?”
Jensen smiles softly – almost sadly – wishing there was some way other than fucking her he could prove it, because he wants her to realise he really does care about her, beyond the sex and beyond how good she physically makes him feel. But that’s the only thing she understands, even if he wishes it wasn’t. So maybe that’s how he has to get through to her.
“Are you?” he checks. “You have to want me too.”
“I want you,” she confirms, biting her bottom lip, smirking softly. “But you never answered me.” Her eyes are glinting with mischief again, and Jensen chuckles softly, reaching for her wrist as he grabs it gently, guiding her hand towards his crotch. He presses it against the bulge forming in his jeans.
“Does that answer your question?” he asks, feeling her fingers flex around it. Jensen swallows down the soft moan, feeling her touch get a little harder, a little more purposeful.
“Feels like you want me to me,” she smirks up at him, biting her bottom lip once more, letting it spring back to place. Jensen smirks smugly, before leaning down and kissing her again, grabbing the backs of her thighs and lifting her into his arms. She squeals delicately, wrapping her arms around his neck as he carries them up the stairs towards his bedroom.
This is wrong, so wrong. He shouldn’t be doing this again… especially on school grounds. School starts back in less than forty eight hours, and yet here he is, carrying Y/N – one of his students – into his bedroom, his tongue practically down her throat. But she’s more than just his student, and maybe that makes it worse, but it also makes him want it harder.
Jensen drops her to the bed almost carelessly, ripping his t-shirt over his head. “Take it off,” he commands, referring to her dress.
Y/N settles on her knees in the centre of the bed and reaches for the hem, pulling it over her head and throwing it down onto his bedroom floor. She smirks at him, leaning forward on her hands and crawling towards the foot of the bed. Her ass looks so good from this angle, wiggling back and forth behind her as she approaches him with a devilish smirk.
“You know…” she purrs, reaching for his thigh, dragging her fingernails up to the bulge that’s grown twice the size since she last paid it any attention. “I haven’t stopped thinking about your cock… about how good it made me feel.” She tucks her ass under her so she’s kneeling once more and reaches for his belt, unbuckling it and then unbuttoning his jeans. Jensen watches her, his cock throbbing in its confines. “Have you been thinking about my pussy? About how wet you made it?” She looks up through her lashes at him, reaching inside his pants and curling her fingers around his length. Pulling it out, she starts to slowly jerk her hand up and down it. “Or maybe you’ve been thinking about this mouth,” she adds, licking her lips and leaning forward to place a soft kiss to the leaking tip.
“I’ve been thinking about a lot of things, sweetheart,” Jensen hums, combing her hair back with his fingers. “Mainly about how good that pussy tasted.”
“Oh, you think so?” she asks, licking softly along his length, keeping eye contact the entire time.
Jensen grips her hair harder and manages to push her onto her back, pulling her legs out from underneath her and spreading them, swatting her pussy through her panties playfully. Y/N squeals, biting her bottom lip as she looks down her body at him, and Jensen wastes no time pulling her panties down her legs and throwing them somewhere behind him. She’s glistening, her slick coating her skin like a taunt, and he’s got no willpower left to resist. He licks his lips and leans forward, licking through her folds, tasting her on his tongue once again. He’d had every intention of teasing the fuck out of her, making her beg and plead and squirm, but he can’t help himself. She tastes too damn good, and he can’t get enough.
His tongue sets into overdrive, swirling and lapping at every inch of her, suckling her clit into his mouth, letting the tip of his tongue rub across the bundle of nerves meticulously over and over again until she’s screaming out and gripping the top of his hair, pulling it hard. He hums against her pussy, feeling his cock throb, begging for attention. He pulls back, licking his swollen lips and tasting her on them.
“In the nightstand,” Jensen nods at the one he means, and when Y/N comes to from her moment of delusion she twists and opens the drawer, finding what Jensen wanted her to. She unwraps the unopened box of condoms and pulls one out.
“Wait, have you really not been with anyone since Clarissa?” she asks as Jensen works on removing the rest of his clothes. The reminder of his now-ex wife throws him only a little, but he’s too far gone to turn back now.
“What makes you say that?” he asks, kicking his jeans away.
“The box wasn’t even opened.”
Jensen shrugs casually, climbing onto the bed and taking a condom from her almost pointedly, tearing into the packaging with his teeth.
“We’re not all sluts like you, baby girl,” he smirks. Y/N scoffs, biting her bottom lip and rolling her eyes.
“If I wasn’t such a slut, you wouldn’t be about to get your dick wet,” she counters. Jensen chuckles, rolling the rubber down his length.
“I don’t know, guess I could find another pussy to sink my cock into,” he replies, winking at her to remind her he’s teasing. “But then again, not one as good as yours.”
He doesn’t give her a warning as he slips himself inside her, making her mouth fall slack and any chance she had of replying seems to be gone now, replaced with breathless gasps and moans as he starts to fuck her. She feels as tight and perfect as he remembers, and Y/N might be right – it had been a while for him before Christmas – but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she is the best thing he’s ever felt. He grabs her waist and steadies himself, starting to fuck her harder and faster, watching her tits bounce in the pink bra she’s still wearing. He reaches up to pull them free from the material, her nipples starting to harden immediately, and she’s looks so fucking gorgeous as her eyes glass over with arousal, and she tries to wordlessly tell him that she’s going to cum.
“Already?” he teases. “Baby girl, you make this too easy for me, I don’t even have to try.”
She falls flat on her back, arching it off the mattress and pushing her breasts towards him, so he leans down and sucks one of her nipples into his mouth, feeling her clench harder around him. He’s already close himself, there’s been so much tension between them that Christmas Day only began to release. Jensen’s pretty sure that they could fuck a hundred more times and whatever weird and taboo chemistry is between them wouldn’t fizzle out.
It hadn’t always felt this way between them, not before Jared’s party, and Jensen’s not entirely sure what did change, but whatever it was doesn’t even matter now, because they’re here, and here is fucked up at best, but he doesn’t even want to think about all the reasons why they shouldn’t do this. He only wants to think about the one reason they should; because they both deserve something good, even if it is just temporary bliss.
Y/N brings him over the edge with her, as Jensen realises he’d been so in his head he’d not been holding himself back. His whole body shakes as she spasms around him, milking him.
“Fuck, Jensen,” she pants, panting as she stares up at the ceiling. “How do you do that?”
“What?” he smirks, carefully observing how gorgeous she looks glowing from an orgasm, all strung out beneath him.
“That,” she smirks, rolling her hips.
He pulls out of her slowly and rolls beside her, sitting up as he starts to remove the condom.
“You don’t have to use those, y’know? I’m on the pill,” she reminds him.
Jensen glances back over his shoulder at her and smirks softly. “Don’t know where you’ve been,” he jokes.
Y/N gasps, feigning insult, which makes Jensen laugh. “I’m clean,” she insists. Jensen cocks an eyebrow and she sets her face a little more seriously. “I’m serious, I get tested and they always use something. I might be a slut, but I’m not stupid.”
Jensen doesn’t know why Y/N would lie to him, so he believes her, tossing the condom into the trash.
“So next time, we don’t have to use one if you don’t want to,” she tells him, sitting up.
“Next time, huh?” he presses, his stomach both knotting and flipping excitedly at the very prospect.
Once again, his post nut clarity leaves him conflicted. He wants Y/N, and he never wants her to think he would use her again, but he also knows that that shouldn’t happen again. It can’t. If anyone found out what he’s just done on school property, with one of his own students, he’d lose his job, hell, he might even go to jail for it. And that’s not even considering what would happen to him if Jared or Clarissa found out about them. Still, even despite all of that, he doesn’t want to stop this – he can’t stop this. And he certainly can’t just cut her off after promising her he’s not like the other guys. He doesn’t want to be another thing in her life that leaves. He wants to be something she can rely on.
“Well if you’re that hell bent on me not leaving school grounds this semester, I’ve gotta get my vitamin D from somewhere,” she teases, sliding off the bed. Jensen chuckles at her choice of words. “Just don’t go getting attached, yeah? I just want a good time.”
She flashes him a wink as she heads towards his en suite, and Jensen rolls his eyes, glad she’s making light of that comment now, though. He reaches down for his jeans and pulls them back on, standing up to rebutton them. If fucking Y/N is the only way that she’s gonna keep him close, Jensen guesses the thinly veiled excuse is good enough.
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