Chapter Tags: angst, mentions of cheating, mentions of divorce, taboo relationship, standard teenage pressures to have sex, mentions of fem masturbation, mentions of being used for sex, rejection, flirting, teasing
Chapter WC: 3338
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“What makes you say that?” Jensen asks, glancing across at you.
You purse your lips, trying to keep your smirk at bay, though he doesn’t seem as hurt by the revelation as you were hoping. Not that you want to seriously hurt him, but you want to at least upset him a little after the way he’d treated you on Christmas Day. You’re used to guys using you like that – hell, most of the time not only do you expect it, but you kinda like it that way – and you’d thought that that wouldn’t change with Jensen, but it did. A bigger part of you than you cared to admit thought it would be different with him, that he wasn’t just doing it to get off, though maybe he was. Maybe you just caught him a few whiskeys too deep and he gave in because he just wanted to get his dick wet, and he didn’t actually want you, you were just the closest thing available.
Over the rest of the Christmas break the sting hurt less and less, and now you’re able to ignore it for the most part. You can’t take back what the two of you did in your father’s study, and if you know Jensen even a little, you know that he’s probably beating himself up for giving into you. He told you that night not to get attached, not that you had any plans to anyway. While it would’ve been fun to fuck around with him some more thanks to the thrill of getting caught, plus he was very good at what he does, you’re not one for repeats, anyway. Still, at least now you’ve got leverage over him; he can’t ever lecture you again if he wants you to keep quiet about what you’ve done.
“Oh c’mon,” you scoff, “are you blind? The way they were looking at each other all weekend? Plus I caught them together in the summer house at Dad’s birthday party.”
You kick back triumphantly, getting more comfortable in the passenger seat, and you watch as Jensen grips the steering wheel tighter and takes a deep breath.
“I mean, it’s hardly like you’re innocent anyway,” you add, smirking at him.
Jensen swallows hard and clears his throat. “Listen, Y/N, we should probably talk about… well, everything.”
“There’s no need, I don’t normally talk to the guys I fuck after it’s done,” you insist, looking out the window.
“Well I’m not just some guy you’ve fucked, am I?”
“We’ve fucked, you’re just some guy,” you offer, not looking at him.
“Okay, well, that aside, there’s some other things we should probably talk about.”
You huff, turning your head back in his direction without actually looking at him, and Jensen takes another deep breath.
“Me and your Aunt Clarissa are… separated.”
“Separated?” You frown, finally looking at his face to see if he’s being serious.
“Well, divorced now actually, as of Christmas Day.” You glance at his hand on the steering wheel to see he’s not wearing his wedding ring, and you wonder when he took it off.
“Sounds like a great Christmas present,” you scoff.
“It was, actually. We’ve been separated for a while now, not long after I moved. We’d been staying married for your Grandparents’ sake, but now the divorce is final, Clarissa is telling them today. It’s been a long time coming.”
You consider everything Jensen is telling you, picking at the hem of your skirt.
“Sorry, I guess,” you finally offer quietly.
You wonder if that’s what your Dad was always talking about when he said that there were things you didn’t know. Maybe that’s why he feels justified in sleeping with your Aunt, his own ex-wife’s sister, his best friend’s ex-wife. It’s all a mess, you recognise, but still, how could he do that to your Mom? To Jensen? But then you think about the fact that you’ve slept with Jensen, and how could you do that to literally everyone else?
“And I know about her and your father, he came to me at Christmas and told me.”
You look back at him again and frown once more. Is that why he fucked you? Some weird revenge? Was he pissed off that they were fucking and wanted to get back at them? Did he use you in that way too?
“Right.” You don’t offer anything else, picking at your skirt again, wishing your Mom had just never left in the first place because then none of this would be the mess that it is.
“Y/N, if you wanna talk about why you were upset after we–”
“No,” you interrupt.
“Okay,” Jensen sighs, “do you want to talk about anything else? Your father, Clarissa… your mother?”
“What’s there to even say about my mother? She’s not here, she probably saw the way Dad looked at her sister and left.”
“Actually, no, that’s not what happened,” Jensen explains softly. “It’s not my place to talk about these things, but I do want you to understand that your father tried to make it work, he fought hard to keep his family together, your Mom was the one that left.” You don’t reply to him, and after a moment he adds, “I’m always here if you need to talk about this stuff, Y/N.”
“No offense, Jensen, but I don’t really wanna talk to you at all,” you snap, turning your body away to look out the window again.
Luckily, the rest of the journey is silent.
Apparently you’re not the only one that’s had a shit Christmas, because Holly isn’t her usual bubbly self when you get back to your dorm and find her unpacking from the holiday. You’d been hoping to take some of your frustrations out by teasing her, but the way she dejectedly says hey and shoves her clothes into her drawers unceremoniously tells you something’s wrong. You debate asking her about it, because you don’t really need anyone else’s bullshit on top of your own right now. You’re not even mad at her for telling Jensen you’d snuck out of the school before Christmas – you’d wanted her to tell Jensen – but she doesn’t have to know that.
Eventually, Holly’s the one to break the silence, slumping down on her bed with a heavy sigh before blurting out, “How do you be a slut?”
You look over your shoulder at her and then turn around completely to face her.
“Me personally, or just in general?” you check. But Holly just shrugs, looking down at her fingers in her lap. “Why?”
“My boyfriend broke up with me, said I was a prude,” she grumbles, her cheeks flaming red.
“He got sick of the handjobs, huh? Shocker,” you scoff. Holly’s green eyes shoot up at you, glaring in your direction. You roll your own and sigh, “sorry. Listen, Holls, men only want one thing from you, that’s just a fact of life. They pretend they care and they want what’s best for you, and they pretend that they’re gonna be different, but they’re fucking not. They just wanna get their dick wet.” You can hear the bitter tone in your own voice, but you don’t even care. “So that’s why I beat them at their own game. They wanna use me, then I’ll use them.”
“How do you do it? I just felt so guilty even thinking about having sex with him, and he was my boyfriend! I told him we could but I changed my mind, and then he just called me a tease and broke up with me. I don’t wanna be a tease, I just… I’m nervous it won’t feel good or it’ll hurt.”
“Well, you know when you get yourself off? It feels like that but better,” you explain, shrugging.
Holly frowns slightly, licking her lips, “yeah, urm, so I‘ve never… you know…”
“Wait, you’ve never cum?”
“I’ve never even touched myself,” she mumbles, so quiet you barely hear her.
The information takes a second to process in your head, but when it does you can’t help but blurt out a what? Holly’s face is almost as red as her hair at this point.
“Okay, no, that’s… never?” you check. Holly shakes her head. “Okay, well the first rule of being a slut is getting yourself off, I mean… even if you don’t hit the big O, you should still be having fun, you know, making yourself feel good.”
“No, I can’t, that’s just… no, I can’t,” Holly repeats.
“Oh c’mon, Holls, if you can’t touch yourself, you’re never gonna get laid. Listen, it’s easy, just put your hand down there, figure out what feels good and just do that for a while until… poof.”
“Right now? You’re in the room!”
“Well obviously not in front of me. Why don’t I go and get us something to eat from the canteen, and you can work some stuff out, and then when I get back we’ll move onto lesson two, okay?”
You listen carefully for any noise on the other side of the door, but you’re met with silence, so you knock rather than just bursting in. You’d given Holly plenty of time – nearly an hour, actually – so you can’t imagine she’d still be busy. You don’t hear any protests as to why you can’t go in, so you slowly edge the door open, seeing Holly is sitting cross legged on her bed.
You instantly cock your head to the side and huff. “Girl, don’t ask for my advice if you’re not gonna take it.”
“I did,” she mumbles, embarrassed. “Twice actually.”
“Oh.” You’d half expected her to not go through with it, so the confirmation that she did is a surprise.
“I was worried you’d come back.” Holly is clearly feeling awkward about the situation, so you don’t press her any harder, throwing her a wrapped up burrito. “So urm, you said there’s a second lesson?” she asks, slowly unwrapping her food.
“You’re ready?” you check, sitting down on your bed.
“I mean, if you say that sex is… better than… that, then yeah.” She clears her throat, not looking at you, and you giggle.
“Alright, well next lesson is dressing the part, so I guess this calls for a makeover.” You smirk as you get off your bed and head towards your wardrobe. “You still have that ex of yours on Insta?”
“Yeah, why?” she asks softly.
“Because he’s gonna lose his shit when he sees you in this,” you tell her, holding up a tiny black dress.
“Why would I wear that, we’re not going anywhere,” Holly scoffs.
“Urm, yeah we are, where else are we gonna find guys to fuck in a girls only school?” You throw the dress onto her bed. “C’mon, I’ll make sure you have the best time. Live a little, we’ll show him what a prude you are.”
“Okay, the guy in the red shirt is kinda cute,” you point out quietly, only subtly glancing in his direction. Holly hasn’t quite perfected the art of subtly yet, because she turns her head and looks directly at him.
“He’s gotta be older than my Dad,” she complains, crinkling her nose.
“Ooh, even better,” you giggle, sipping your drink. “Holls, if you want a guy that’s gonna show you a good time, your best bet is one that’s older… more experienced.”
“That’s just too old, can’t we find one that’s around our age?”
“News flash, sweetie, no one is around our age here, we aren’t supposed to be in here,” you whisper. You’d managed to flash your fake ID and enough cleavage to make the bar man let you and Holly stay, even though Holly didn’t have any ID of her own.
You sigh, getting bored of pointing out guys for Holly to turn down, and realise you’ve gotten the attention of a man two tables away.
“Well, if you’re not gonna try and get lucky tonight, I still am,” you smirk, flashing the guy another sweet smile. This encourages him over, and you smirk triumphantly to yourself as he approaches.
“You okay here, ladies? You look a little lost.”
“Oh, it’s my best friend’s twenty-first birthday, and this is our first time in a place like this,” you explain softly, twirling your hair around your finger.
“Well that just means you’ve never had a guy buy you a drink, so allow me.” He waves down the barman and orders you both a refill, but Holly only looks more and more uncomfortable.
“Hey, Y/N? I think we should go now,” she tells you, tugging on your arm.
“Y/N, that’s a pretty name,” the guy speaks up.
“Thanks,” you reply, turning your back on Holly, and then you notice her out of the corner of your eye as she heads towards the bathroom. “I didn’t catch yours…”
“Mike.”
“Mike…” you repeat, biting your bottom lip.
You and Mike talk for several minutes as you keep your eye on the bathroom door that Holly disappeared through. You kinda wish you hadn’t brought her, you should’ve known she wasn’t going to be quite so easy to palm off.
“Your friend has been a while, everything okay?” Mike checks when he notices you glancing to the door yet again.
“Oh, yeah, she’ll be fine,” you insist. “Sorry about her, by the way,” you apologise. “She’s a bit of a buzz kill, I just wanted to have a good time tonight.”
Mike smirks softly and chuckles under his breath. “You’ve come to the right guy for a good time.”
“I have, have I?” you press, sliding a little closer to him.
“Yeah, I could show you and your friend a great time if you let me.” You finally see Holly coming out of the bathroom, and she seems a little nervous, but overall, she’s fine.
“Both of us?” you press, raising your eyebrows as Holly rejoins your side. “Hear that, Holls? He wants to show both of us a good time. I don’t think you could manage both of us.”
“I do like a challenge,” Mike smirks. “I’m sure I could handle it.”
“I’ll give you something to handle.”
You hear his voice before you see him, and when Jensen comes into view his fist flies into the guy’s face. Holly jumps next to you, and after only one punch, Jensen relents, grabbing the top of your arm to pull you away.
“Don’t let either of these girls in again, they’re underage,” he tells the barman.
“Thanks, Jensen,” you mutter sarcastically.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he hisses, starting to drag you out of the place, Holly willingly following you both.
“Oh, now you care about me,” you scoff. Jensen glances across at Holly and then sets his face hard, not replying to you.
Jensen doesn’t talk for the rest of the journey back to school, and he sends Holly back to your dorm and tells her he’s going to talk to her first thing Monday morning before class. You cross your arms over your chest when you realise he’s not letting you go with her, and Jensen waits until she’s out of ear shot to glare at you.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” he asks you again. “Not only do you insist on putting yourself in danger, but now you’re dragging Holly into this? Do you know how hard that girl works? How high her grades are? Something like this could ruin her chance of MIT, you know that?”
You roll your eyes, looking down at your feet.
“I didn’t force her to come with me,” you insist. “But I’m sorry that I’ve ruined Holly. I guess everything I touch just turns to shit, right? Because I’m such an awful person.”
“That’s not what I said, Y/N,” he insists through gritted teeth.
“Why do you even fucking care, Jensen?” you scoff. “You got what you wanted from me, so just leave me alone.”
Jensen glances around you both, and then grabs your arm, dragging you in the direction of his house. He doesn’t reply until you’re safely inside, and he’s locking his front door behind him. He sighs heavily before he turns around to face you.
“I care about you, Y/N,” he insists, his tone less aggressive. You scoff and roll your eyes, hardly believing him after the way he treated you at Christmas. “You don’t believe me… Why?”
“Just fuck off, Jensen,” you sigh, tired.
“No, tell me why. Why do you suddenly have this idea that I don’t care about you, hm? Is it because of Christmas? Because every other guy that fucks you just leaves and doesn’t care? You know I’m not just some other guy, Y/N.”
“You’re not different, you fucked me and then wanted to leave just like all the other guys.” Jensen frowns and shakes his head. “If you were some guy in a bar, you wouldn’t have called me, hell, you probably wouldn’t have even taken my number at all.”
“Why would you say that? And I’m not just some guy from a bar,” he reminds you.
“Exactly! You’re not, you’re my fucking Uncle… or you were, I don’t know what the fuck you are anymore,” you confess. “But you’re stuck with me one way or another, and I’m sorry I can’t just fuck off out of your life.”
“I don’t want you to fuck off out of my life,” Jensen huffs, stepping closer. “Sweetheart, when Holly called me and told me where you were, I dropped everything to come and get you, I was worried about you… the thought of you with some guy–”
“Oh, so you are jealous. I don’t… I just don’t get you,” you grunt, frustrated, reaching up to hold your head. “What do you want from me? You told me you didn’t want me, so I’m leaving you alone. I mean, what more do you want?”
“What?” Jensen stops, frowning and licking his lips. “When have I ever said that?”
“You said–”
“I never said that!” Jensen interrupts straight away.
“You did! When we were fucking you told me not to get attached, you said you just wanted to get your dick wet.”
Jensen seems to suddenly relax a little. “Y/N,” he scoffs, “I didn’t mean that… shit, I thought you knew I was just… I was dirty talking,” he explains. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I never meant it. Is that why you got so upset?”
You slowly let the information sink in. There had been a lot of dirty talk that night, and most of it you’d realised was just that, but that line had struck a nerve, clearly, and you’d taken it to heart. After all, why would Jensen want you to get attached? You both knew it wasn’t exactly something that could happen again, and at the time you’d thought you were okay with that, after all, you barely fuck a guy more than once, anyway. But it had hurt differently with Jensen.
“Did you really believe that I meant that?” Jensen asks softly, stepping closer to you, reaching up to cup the side of your face.
“Yeah,” you whisper, a little embarrassed. “It doesn’t matter, anyway, you were right. And it can’t happen again, right?”
Jensen doesn’t answer, which prompts you to lick your lips and look up at him. He’s staring at you, his thumb softly brushing back and forth on your cheek.
“Yeah, right,” he agrees, clearing his throat and nodding. “But, so long as you know that it wasn’t like that… it was more than just some meaningless one night stand for me.”
“Okay,” you whisper, looking back down at your feet. You’re not used to a guy thinking of your time together as anything more than sex, and you wonder just what it did mean to Jensen if it was more.
“‘Cause I wanna do it again,” he admits, making you look back up at him once more.
“Okay,” you whisper again, and then you feel Jensen’s lips on yours.
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