Chapter Tags: angst, mentions of jealousy, more angst
Chapter WC: 1724
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Your POV
“Shit,” you curse, glancing up at the clock above the photocopier. It’s ten to eight, and that means Michaela is going to come in any moment now. But the damn machine isn’t working properly, and it’s not printing anything no matter how many buttons you press.
You nervously glance at the clock one last time and decide to give up, opening the copier and retrieving the poster you’d put together for the book club. You’re focused on putting it away in your bag without crumpling it as you turn on your heels and start leaving the room to head towards your classroom, but you’re stopped abruptly when you bump into something – someone – Michaela.
“Shit, sorry,” you apologise, avoiding eye contact as soon as you realise it’s her.
“It’s okay,” she tells you.
Things are incredibly awkward between the two of you for several seconds, and it only cements the reason you’ve avoided her since you started working here. You treated her so badly when you were a student, thanks to your immaturity and jealousy, and you’re not even sure you’ve got an excuse other than the truth, and you can’t tell her that. Besides, she probably doesn’t even want to make amends, you wouldn’t blame her if she doesn’t.
“You’re in early,” she comments, clearly making some conversation as she heads over to her desk and puts her purse down beside it.
You realise you’ve left it too long to just leave and pretend you’re busy, and now she’s trying to make conversation, it would be rude to just walk out. Then she’d only hate you even more.
“I was trying to do some photocopying,” you tell her. “I’m starting a new club.”
“Let me see,” she prompts, holding out her hand. It takes you a second to register what she’s asking, but then you hand over the flyer. “How many copies?”
“I was thinking about twenty? I want to put them around the school.”
“I can get that done for you by lunch,” Michaela confirms, nodding. “Jensen’s got a slow day.”
“Thanks,” you smile slightly, biting your bottom lip anxiously.
“No worries,” she nods, putting it down on her desk as she takes a seat.
You turn to leave, heading towards the door, but then your legs just stop working and you know it’s now or never.
“Listen, Miss Cranley,” you begin.
“It’s Mrs. Reed now,” she corrects you. “But you’re staff, so Michaela is fine.”
“Right, of course,” you nod, swallowing hard. “I just wanted to apologise for the way I used to treat you. There’s no excuse, really, but I was a kid and… I guess I was just… lashing out.”
Michaela smiles sadly for a moment and then gets up out of her chair, rounding it to perch herself on the edge of her desk in front of you.
“I get it. Jensen was your uncle, he was married to your aunt and you just wanted to protect your family,” she offers.
While it’s not the truth, you’re happy Michaela has handed you a reasonable alibi and you nod, forcing a slight laugh. “Yeah, guess it’s obvious looking back.”
“Jensen had confided in me a few times about his marriage being on the rocks, and I knew they barely saw each other. I loved him, and I still do, I wanted what was best for him. But that wasn’t me, and I get that now,” Michaela explains. “I guess I was also a little immature, I just got caught up in infatuation.”
“I don’t really blame you,” you find yourself confessing. “I mean… you know, Jensen’s a great guy.”
She nods in agreement and smiles softly. “He is. But I guess I should thank you. You did make me realise some things. This school is like its own world sometimes, you forget the outside.” You laugh softly, not able to agree with her more. “You gave me a reality check. And in turn, that helped me move on and find my own guy. And now I have a beautiful family.”
Michaela reaches for a frame and hands it to you; a photo of her with a man and two children; a boy and girl. You instantly smile at the happy image.
“Your family is beautiful, congratulations,” you compliment. She too stares fondly at it for a moment when you hand it back, and then puts it back in its place.
“It all worked out, Y/N,” she tells you. “So I guess we should put the past behind us, and move forward.”
“I’d like that a lot,” you nod, smiling.
The last of the girls are barely out of the door for lunch when you reach for your cell and find Drew’s number. You stare at it for a few moments, taking a deep breath. Your mind hasn’t really been on work all morning. You’d tried busying yourself all weekend with starting the book club since Jensen’s approval on Friday, but now that the first book has been picked and the flyers are about to be printed, there’s nothing else to do for that, which means you have no real excuse to not think about the other thing Jensen said on Friday. The thing you’ve not even told your fiancé about yet.
In the brief moments you have let your mind wander to it, you’ve been torn. While you love this job and you love the girls, and you have always loved living in Texas, your life now is in New York. Your partner is in New York. Unless Drew agrees to move to Texas, you could never keep this job full time. And a long distance marriage isn’t good for anyone; Jensen can attest to that much and he didn’t even leave the state. And you like New York. You like where you live and you like the friends you’ve made for yourself out there. Sure, you miss home, but who wouldn’t when you live so far away from your only family?
You know you’re not going to truly be able to make a decision until you talk out loud to someone about it all, and the only right person to talk to is Drew. You check the time and realise if you call quickly you might catch him at the end of his lunch break. The hour time difference isn’t much, but it’s enough to mess with your schedules sometimes. Finding times that you can talk has been difficult recently, especially as Drew has been getting busier with work. Conversations have mainly been over text or rushed phone calls. You’ve tried to not let it bother you, and for the most part it doesn’t, except you can’t help but realise that the longer you spend away from him, the less you think about him. The less you worry about him or miss him. Michaela was right; this school is its own little world, and Drew isn’t in it. You’d always thought absence would make the heart grow fonder, but apparently that was only true when it came to Jensen.
Just the thought of Jensen takes you back to Friday night, walking into the house to see him all over that woman; Ada, you think you remember her saying her name was. Either way, it didn’t matter who she was or how nice she seemed. All you could think about was the jealousy that almost consumed you. You’d told yourself it was the few drinks in your system making you sensitive. You’d even told yourself that maybe you weren’t jealous of the fact that Jensen was with another woman, but just that you missed Drew so much seeing two people together was why you were so envious. But none of that had been any good, because you know the bitter truth is that you’re jealous of her. She gets to be with him, she gets the attention you used to crave from him.
Jensen has been doing so well backing off, and while it had been far too much to begin with – all that attention and flirting – now you find yourself missing it. Either you’re a masochist or something is really wrong with your head. You’re meant to miss Drew, you’re meant to be over Jensen. But neither of those things are true, no matter how much you try to pretend they are.
You snap yourself out of your reverie, looking back down at your phone to see you have less than five minutes before Drew will be off of lunch. Drew is your person, the man you’re marrying, he should be the only person you’re thinking about. Maybe reconnecting for a few minutes over the phone will help that.
“Hey baby, I’m about to head to class, can this wait?” Drew answers instantly.
“I just have some news,” you find yourself admitting, needing to get it off your chest.
“Okay,” he replies. “What’s up?”
You take a deep breath, reminding yourself he hasn’t got all day and lick your lips. “Jensen’s offered me a permanent position.”
The line is silent for a moment or two, and that only makes you nervous. But then Drew cheers, which completely throws you off. Maybe he likes you living away from him.
“That’s incredible, baby, I knew you could do it,” he beams.
You instantly smile, laughing softly. “Yeah, it’s pretty great,” you agree. “I just don’t know what to do now,” you admit.
“What do you mean?” Drew suddenly asks flatly.
“Well, I mean–”
“You can’t take it, our lives are in New York. This was meant to be temporary.”
“Right, yeah,” you agree, dejectedly. The idea of asking him to move with Texas seems ridiculous now, so you bite your tongue.
“Anyway, I’ve gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sure, we need to plan Spring Break.”
“What? Oh, yeah, later.”
“Okay, love you,” you call out, realising that he’s gone. You drop your phone to your desk and chew your bottom lip, staring at the now black screen. You know Drew is right, this job was meant to be temporary, your life is in New York. He is in New York. But the thought of that decision being ripped from you only makes you realise one thing; you want to move back to Texas for good.
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