Chapter Tags: mentions of casual sex, major angst
Chapter WC: 1920
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Your POV
Stepping out of the bathroom you purse your lips, holding your arms out.
“Okay, be honest with me, do I look stupid?” you check, looking down your body at yourself.
Holly chuckles slightly, shaking her head. “I think it suits you,” she shrugs.
“Talking of suiting people, that dress you’re wearing is hot,” you smirk, noticing how much shorter it is than the skirts and dresses she was wearing at the start of the school year.
Holly tugs on the hem a little and clears her throat. “Is it a little too slutty for a Valedictorian?”
“Absolutely not,” you scoff, smirking slightly. Holly chuckles, reaching down to grab her robe and shrug it on. “How did you still manage to get the highest grades in the year and slut it up so much the last few months?”
“I wasn’t that much of a slut,” Holly laughs, feigning insult. “Anyway, I learned the slutty stuff from the best.”
“You’re welcome, by the way,” you tease. Holly giggles and you clear your throat. “But urm… seriously Holls, thank you. I don’t think I could’ve graduated without your help.”
“Of course you could have, but you wouldn’t have, because you don’t believe in yourself enough.” You watch Holly playing with her hat in her hands for a moment. “I guess you needed to buckle down and I needed to loosen up. We helped each other.”
“I guess we did,” you agree. “And now you’re giving me a run for my money. M.I.T isn’t gonna know what’s hit them.”
“Oh c’mon, I wasn’t that bad,” Holly scoffs, her cheeks turning red.
“You slept with more guys than me this year,” you laugh.
“Oh, no I didn’t,” she protests.
“Yeah, you definitely did. I got myself a fuck buddy, you got yourself a football team by the sounds of it.”
Holly’s mouth falls open and she laughs in disbelief. “Wait, when did you get a fuck buddy? Who?”
“Oh urm… just some guy… no one important,” you shrug, turning around to zip up your luggage.
“Important enough to keep you going back. Thought one of the rules was to use them so they can’t use us?” Holly teases.
“Well, it was just convenient. I guess we used each other, no big deal,” you brush it off, unable to stop yourself thinking about that stupid college acceptance letter you’ve read a hundred times. Things had been strained with Jensen all week since he’d given it to you.
“Doesn’t seem like it isn’t a big deal. Do you like him?” she pries.
“It wasn’t like that for him,” you insist, getting frustrated that your luggage won’t zip completely closed.
“But it was for you, right?”
You huff, turning around to glower at her. “Holls, leave it. It doesn’t matter anymore, he doesn’t want me. I’m not sticking around here, anyway.”
Holly purses her lips but nods her head, turning around to finish packing her own things. “Well, I guess you just need to make him jealous. You know, make him want you now he can’t have you anymore.”
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” you agree, biting your bottom lip.
The school is buzzing with students and their parents, all making their way to the sports field where graduation is set to start in under an hour. You move against the stream of people, heading towards the school building rather than away from it. The school itself is quiet; barely anyone is around, and your heels click on the floor beneath you as you head towards Jensen’s office. The noise disappears when you step onto the carpet in the reception area outside Jensen’s room, and you see the door has been left ajar. You glance through the gap, seeing Jensen’s back, and then realise that he’s not alone – directly in front of him stands Michaela, and as Jensen steps back, it becomes obvious that they’d been kissing.
A heavy knot twists in your stomach, a sickness and jealousy you’d never thought you’d feel washes over you, but it only cements your decision in your mind. You’re doing the right thing – Jensen will never want you in that way, it’s always just been some fun to him. And that’s fine, you convince yourself. Michaela notices you and clears her throat, pushing past Jensen and leaving the room quickly, and Jensen looks back over his shoulder, reaching up to rub the pink remnants of Michaela’s lipstick from his mouth as he clears his throat.
“Y/N, listen,” Jensen starts to panic, and you step inside his office, closing his door behind you so you’re both alone. “She kissed me, I’m sorry, I–”
“You don’t need an excuse, Jensen, you’re a single man, you can do what you want.” Jensen frowns slightly, like he’s confused by your words. Maybe he expected you to be far more upset than you’re letting on. He should know by now you can be a great actress. “I actually came to talk to you about something,” you tell him, before he can reply. Jensen stays quiet, so you lick your lips and blurt it out. “I’m gonna go.”
“Where?” he asks, frowning deeper.
“To Massachusetts,” you remind him, “college.”
Jensen’s mouth opens, his eyes widening and then he takes a deep breath and forces a laugh. “Well, that’s great news.”
The fact that Jensen thinks that you moving to the East Coast for four years is great news further confirms his feelings, and while it’s yet another punch in the gut, it only reaffirms over and over again that you’re making the right call.
“Yeah, so I guess you and Michaela can fuck over your desk whenever you want now. I know how much you love that.”
“Y/N, sweetheart,” Jensen sighs, shaking his head. “It’s not like that between us, it never will be. It’s not like that with anyone el–”
“It’s fine, Jensen,” you shrug, feeling anything but fine. “We had fun, right? But I’m graduating, and moving away, and… that’s that. Hey, maybe I’ll find some cute college professor who can reward me for my good grades the way you did.” The joke is a low blow, you know that, but it’s the only thing stopping you from wanting to cry.
Jensen swallows hard, his face twisting back into that same frown it was moments before. “Okay, well if that’s what you want,” he nods.
“It’s the right thing to do,” you nod, convincing yourself too.
“Yeah, it is,” he agrees. “So what do you think you’ll do when you get there?”
“Besides try and fuck all the hot professors?” you smirk, but Jensen clearly doesn’t find it funny. “I guess I’ll figure that out when I get there.” Jensen just nods, looking down at his feet. “But I did wanna say thanks,” you confess, feeling your cheeks heat up. “Because you’re one of the only reasons I’m graduating.”
“You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart, you’ve done a lot for me too, in ways you’ll never know.”
“I am pretty good at blowjobs,” you nod. Jensen rolls his eyes, a small smirk on his lips. “So urm, I should probably go and join the others, I think Dad’s been sitting there waiting for like an hour now,” you laugh softly.
“Yeah, I should probably show my face too, considering I’m the principal,” he agrees.
You turn to leave, feeling Jensen’s hand wrap around your wrist softly, stopping you from going anywhere. He pulls you into him, pressing his lips to yours, reaching up to cup the side of your face, and you kiss back, not sure you’ll ever feel his lips on yours again. You swear there’s more passion and urgency than ever before, but you’re also aware that that’s no doubt just a lot of wishful thinking.
“I’m gonna miss you,” he breathes out when he breaks the kiss.
You take a deep, shaky breath, feeling tears press at the backs of your eyes and turn to leave his office one last time, unable to look him in the eye.
“I thought it was my job to get teary at graduation,” is the first thing your father says when he sees you approaching him and Clarissa.
You reach up quickly and try to wipe the tears away. You hadn’t realised it was so obvious you’d been crying. “Well, I guess it’s just more emotional than I thought,” you lie.
He stands from his seat and pulls you into him, hugging you tightly.
“Won’t lie, I’m gonna be a mess,” he admits, making you laugh softly. “I’m just so proud of you and I’ve missed you so much, I can’t wait to have you home!”
“Urm, yeah about that…” you cringe, pulling back out of his embrace. “So urm… I might not be home for long.”
“Why?” he asks immediately, turning his face to Clarissa and frowning, before looking back at you.
“Well, I kinda got into college… in Massachusetts.”
Your father looks speechless, his mouth hanging wide open, his eyes wide. “I didn’t… I didn’t think you wanted to go to college?” he chokes out.
You shrug, “it’s a good one.” There’s silence, so you add, “you’re not upset are you?”
“Upset? No, God no, sweetheart, I’m just shocked,” he laughs, pulling you into him again. You can feel in the way his chest jolts that he’s starting to cry, and you roll your eyes. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Dad,” you whine, trying to pull away to no avail.
“It started,” Clarissa pipes up laughing. “Me and your Dad had a bet. I said before it began, he said when your name is called. So I think I win,” she boasts.
You laugh softly, finally getting out of your father’s grasp. Your laughter fades as Jensen approaches, and he smiles awkwardly at you before greeting Clarissa and your father.
“Let me take a photo,” he insists, holding his hand out for Jared’s phone. You stand alongside your father, trying to not look at Jensen for too long, noticing Clarissa stood beside him, smiling softly.
“You too,” you tell her, extending your free arm. She almost beams as she steps up to your other side, and you smile for the camera.
Jensen’s eyes lock with yours over the cell phone, and he eventually drops it, telling you he thinks he’s got at least one good one. Your father starts looking through them, showing Clarissa, and then Jared looks up at you and Jensen with a wide grin.
“One of you two now, c’mon,” he insists.
You and Jensen glance nervously at each other, “Dad, c’mon, you know I hate photos,” you try to insist.
“All of those selfies you post online beg to differ,” Jared scoffs, holding his phone up.
You huff, and Jensen reluctantly sidles up to you, wrapping his arm around your waist but holding it much higher than he normally would. You force a smile for the camera, unable to stop yourself from taking in the cologne he always wears; the one he knows you love. Your father snaps the photo and then looks back down at his phone, showing Clarissa the results, and you turn to Jensen and smile awkwardly again.
“I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, Y/N,” Jensen whispers, smiling softly. “I hope Massachusetts does that for you.” You nod, tears in your eyes again, and he kisses your forehead before stepping away, tapping Jared’s shoulder as he passes, and you watch him go, wondering if you’ll ever be happy without him.
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